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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27894115">Elmer’s fear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Dugong44/pseuds/Yellow_Dugong44'>Yellow_Dugong44</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Newsies (1992), Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Caring Newsies, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Most Of These Characters Are Just Mentioned - Freeform, Panic Attacks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:49:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,298</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27894115</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Dugong44/pseuds/Yellow_Dugong44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Elmer doesn’t feel like he fits into the group of newsies and slips away for a second. But his thoughts trigger a panic attack and he has to struggle through it alone before someone realizes he’s gone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Albert DaSilva &amp; Elmer (Newsies), Albert DaSilva &amp; Racetrack Higgins, Racetrack Higgins &amp; Elmer (Newises)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Elmer’s fear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TRIGGER WARNINGS! Please don’t read if panic attacks trigger you, I don’t want anyone to get hurt bc of me. I typed this out on my phone instead of sleeping, so if you notice any errors, just assume it’s my horrible typing skills and sleep-deprived brain. Hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Lodging house was always noisy at this time of night. Newsies were flocking in from the streets after a long day at work, Mike and Ike almost always had a prank set up for someone (which usually resulted in a lot of swear words and the twins sprinting away from a very angry friend), and Race usually roped Albert and Finch into a high stakes poker game. Jack was still out with Davey (they were selling by Medda’s theater), but other than that, all the newsies were back. Hats were being thrown, Albert was cussing at anyone who even mentioned poker to him, and the twins were being chased around the room by a very wet and angry Mush. Everyone was happy and satisfied; all except for Elmer. Everyone seemed to fit here. They all had their place, and sure, it was a bit hectic, but the newsies fit together well. The only problem was that Elmer didn’t really feel like he slotted into the workings of the newsboys as well as all his friends. Yeah, he lived with them, but he didn’t have a group, he didn’t have a set place, he was just kind of there. Anyone he considered his best friend always had a better friend and Elmer was just tossed to the curb like yesterday’s paper. That’s why in the middle of all the chaos, he slipped away, out the window and up to the roof, trying to get away. Elmer didn’t want to think about his place, his friends, his inability to fit somewhere perfectly. He just wanted to exist somewhere, because if he thought about it anymore, he was going to work himself into a panic attack. And he knew it.</p><p> </p><p><em>Just breathe, just breathe. Don’t think about it, just breathe... damn it!</em> He couldn’t help himself. Just like he knew it would, his breathing started to quicken and he doubled over on the roof, suddenly feeling like he was about to die. It wasn’t anything new to him, it actually happened more than Elmer would like to admit, but this the worst it had ever been.</p><p> </p><p><em>I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, please, someone! God I’m actually about to die here. I can’t breathe!</em> Elmer rocked too far back and fell backwards off the ledge he was sitting on, hitting the roof hard and just laying there. No one was going to come, he was going to die here.</p><p> </p><p>Despite whatever Elmer might think, his friends did actually care about him, and Race immediately noticed when he climbed out the window and disappeared up the fire escape. He thought maybe it was a little to loud for his friend, it was getting pretty bad in there, so he let him go, thinking he just needed a minute to cool down. But a few minutes passed and Elmer hadn’t come back, so Race turned to Albert.</p><p> </p><p>“Can ya put the littles ta bed? It’s late and we gotta sell tomorrow.” He turned towards the window, but didn’t so much as take a step before Albert caught his arm.</p><p><br/>“And where the hell are you goin’? Ya ain’t gonna help me put ‘em ta bed?”</p><p> </p><p>“Elmer went up to da roof a couple minutes ago and hadn’t come down yet, Ise gonna go get ‘im.”</p><p><br/><br/>For the first time in his life, Albert accepted Races explanation and let go of him, turning towards the younger kids to herd them towards the bed. Race climbed out the window and headed up to the roof, wondering about what Elmer was doing up there. His question was answered the second he stepped out onto the roof and saw his friend laying on his back on the ground, struggling to breathe.<br/><br/></p><p><br/>“Elmer!” Race ran to his friend and dropped to his knees, trying to figure out what was wrong. It didn’t take him long, he’d had enough panic attacks to know the symptoms of one when he saw them. Without hesitating, Race gently tugged Elmer up and against the wall so he was in a sitting position and moved beside him. Elmer was awake, his eyes were fixed on Race, pupils blown wide in panic. So Race talked to him, trying to get him to calm down.</p><p> </p><p><br/>“Hey, s’alright Elmer it’s just me, just little old Racer. You’re gonna be okay Elmer, just listen to me.” Race took Elmers hand and put it on his own chest, purposefully breathing deep and slow. Elmer looked confused for a second, but he went with it, desperate to be able to breathe.</p><p><br/><br/>“There ya go. Match ya breathing ta mine, just breathe nice and deep and slow.” Elmer tried to do as he was told, but he was still unable to properly breathe and he was getting desperate. Race saw his face change and quickly gave him something else to focus on.<br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>“Elmer, close ya eyes and go ta ya happiest memory. Just think about that, nothin’ else, and match ya breathin’ ta mine.” </p><p> </p><p><br/>It took a few minutes of Race sitting with Elmer up on that roof, but eventually his breathing slowed and he sagged forward, exhausted. Race gently caught him and held him up. He was tired too, but he was satisfied with the fact that his friend was able to breathe again. But Elmer started to tremble underneath him and he could feel his shoulder starting to get wet, so he pulled his friend into a hug, making sure it wasn’t tight enough to feel suffocating.<br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>“Ya don’t hate me?” Elmers small muffled voice asked and Race raised his eyebrows at the seemingly ridiculous question.<br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>“Course not! Where in da world did ya get that idea?” Elmer shrugged and buried his face deeper into Races shoulder, trying to block out the noises of New York. </p><p> </p><p>It only took five minutes before he was fast asleep and Race picked him up bridal style to take him to bed, lord knows the kid needed it. He carefully descended the fire escape and knocked at the window Albert had closed when putting the little kids to bed. Albert jumped up from where he’d been sitting on his bed and quickly crossed the room, opening the window with a million questions. Not surprisingly, the first one was: “Is he okay?” </p><p> </p><p>Race nodded and handed Elmer to his friend before climbing through the window himself and sliding it closed behind him. Albert had already crossed to Elmers bed and gently placed him down before Race was next to him and pulling the covers up and over their sleeping friend. He rubbed a hand tiredly across his face and followed Albert to their bunk bed.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kid got it in his head that we hates him, worked himself into a panic attack ‘fore I came up. I had to talk him down, it lasted longer than I thought it would. Don’t worry,” Race added, seeing Alberts concerned face, “he’ll be alright after a good nights sleep.” His friend nodded, knowing Race knew what he was talking about and climbed to the top bunk grumbling.</p><p> </p><p><br/>“Kid thinks I hates ‘im? Goddamn it, I’m just not good at showing feelins’!” Race snorted and climbed into his own bed, ready to sleep.</p><p> </p><p><br/>When Elmer woke up the next morning, nothing had changed. He almost thought he’d dreamed last night before he caught a few concerned glances from the older newsies directed towards him. It made him feel kinda uncomfortable, but it was all worth it when Albert pulled him into a bear hug at the circulation gate.</p><p> </p><p><br/>“We do care aboutcha kid, Ise just no good at showing it. And I’m sorry.” He pulled away and looked right at him, dead serious. Elmer smirked and hugged him again.</p><p> </p><p><br/>“S’alright Albert, I know ya do.”</p>
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